i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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