Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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