I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
