The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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