You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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