I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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