are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
