this beer tastes like vomit already
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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