yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
