So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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