I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
