After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
