I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
