Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The air taste purple.
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