Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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