You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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