The maid of honor just puked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
