i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
