the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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