Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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