I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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