Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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