so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
