You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
