he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
