Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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