I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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