and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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