HIV tests are more positive than that guy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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