Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM