At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
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winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
lol hangovers are for mortals.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."