But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...