I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem