Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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