She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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