Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
