remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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