she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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