Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
