I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize