i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
MIDGETS
????
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
