drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.