Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been