sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.