it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.