Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...