dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.