my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray