When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize