i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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