your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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