I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
