In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He felt like a one man threesome
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
