Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
