I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
