Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
