I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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