My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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