New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
