If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
