you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
