I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
