Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
